TSS – Get Educated!

By DeAnna | Published: June 16, 2011

Amy Elifritz 10.16.89 - 6.13.10

I first heard of Toxic Shock Syndrome (TSS) in my late teens. I was still living in Israel, my country of origin, when my friend Sheila, a young American woman who recently emigrated to Israel, spoke about how it was possible to die of using tampons!

This was shocking (no pun intended) since neither my Mom, nor any of my friends, have ever heard of TSS. At the time everyone I knew was into the convenience of using tampons. Except me, that is, who couldn’t use them since my Mom was worried of a tampon piercing my hymen…

Looking back, Sheila didn’t give me a whole lot of information. She may have not had much herself. What I remember mostly is fear, and something about not leaving a tampon inside you for too long.

My next memory is from my early twenties. By that time I was already using tampons, since I’ve “lost” my virginity. Funnily, starting to use tampons felt almost like a bigger deal to me than my first sexual experience… The use of tampons, which was a “forbidden fruit” for quite a few years, seemed to me to be the epitome of “having arrived” to womanhood…

On that particular day I was on the beach, vacationing with my Dad and my brother. Upon going to the bathroom to change a tampon I discovered, to my young horror, that it started to split. Some of the tampon fiber stayed inside me. Remembering Sheila’s warning I was paralyzed with the thought that I could die from having these fibers in me, having tried unsuccessfully to pull them out. I thought I should go to the emergency room, but had no way of getting there by myself. There was only my Dad to turn to, as my Mom had died the year before. I remember not knowing what was worse: the risk of dying from some shock syndrome I knew nothing about, or the need to speak about tampons with my Dad…

Dad was understanding and supportive, as was the ER doctor, and the matter sank into oblivion until recently, when I realized women DO die of TSS, and I had hardly any information about it! Having been a Menstrual Empowerment Educator for some 20 years, my own lack of education on the subject felt embarrassing to me…

Not only did I not know that women still die of TSS, but I had no comprehensive information about symptoms, risk factors, or prevention. I’ve set to fill up this gap, and to spread the word among as many women and girls as possible. Education, as we all know, is power!

I found out how real TSS still is, by learning of Amy Elifritz, a healthy 20 years old, who died of TSS on June 13, 2010.

Amy’s mother, Lisa Elifritz, set out to educate women and girls worldwide about the risks and how to avoid them, by founding the non-profit organization ‘You ARE Loved.’

The organization’s opening statement is this: “TSS is real, it’s common, and it kills. 1 in 700 women will get tampon related TSS in their lifetime. It’s estimated that nationwide 5,000 to 10,000 cases of staphylococcal toxic shock syndrome now occur each year, making it as common as Lyme disease. TSS can strike any woman or girl without warning and can act so rapidly that more fatalities among tampon users are inevitable.” This is a sobering and thought provoking statement.

Lets take a look at the ‘You ARE Loved’ brochure:
“The Bottom Line -
If you have been using tampons and you experience flu-like symptoms and a fever, remove your tampon and go to the hospital immediately. Insist on getting blood work. If it is caught early enough, you have a much better chance of survival. Your Life Depends On It!”

“What is Toxic Shock Syndrome?
Toxic Shock Syndrome develops when the common bacteria, Staphylococcus Aureus, produce a toxin which is absorbed into the bloodstream. The toxin rapidly overwhelms the immune system and attacks the major organs, leading to kidney failure, collapse of the lungs and in severe cases, cardiac arrest. Alarmingly, half of all known cases of Toxic Shock are women using TAMPONS.”

“Symptoms of TSS -
* Sore throat.
* Aching muscles
* High temperature; over 102F
* Vomiting
* Headache
* Watery diarrhea
* Red rash
* Confusion
* Dizziness
* Very low blood pressure
Only one or two symptoms may occur. They do not necessarily occur all at once and may not persist.”

“What You Should Do -
* Remove the tampon (save it if possible)
* Seek IMMEDIATE medical attention
* Inform the doctor that you have been using tampons
* Take a TSS information leaflet with you”

“After Effects of TSS?
Survivors of Toxic Shock Syndrome may have been hospitalized for weeks and there is usually a long recovery period. They may have suffered:
* Loss of fingers and toes due to gangrene.
* Permanent kidney and liver damage.
* Deafness and blindness.
* Peeling skin, and loss of nails and hair.
* Continual infections
* Short term memory loss.
* No energy for months or even years.
* Psychological and emotional distress.”

“To Reduce the Risk of TSS
* Only use tampons made of organic cotton.
* Use the lowest absorbency needed at each stage of your period.
* Avoid using tampons continuously during a period. Alternate with sanitary pads at night so the toxins have time to dissipate.
* Use a pad at the end of your period.
* Change tampons every 4 to 6 hours.
* Don’t use tampons if you’ve had any unusual discharge.
* Wash your hands before and after use and handle the tampon as little as possible.
* Alert your family and friends to the symptoms and emergency action required.
* Read and keep this information leaflet or the leaflet inside the tampon packet.
* If you’ve ever had TSS, NEVER – EVER use tampons again!”

Being an all-or-nothing gal myself, I wonder why would any woman want to take the risk and continue using tampons at all?
I stopped using tampons (or any disposable menstrual products) some 17 years ago, as part of my journey of reclaiming menstruation. Using menstrual cloth pads has been a consciousness-altering experience that helped me shift form seeing menstruation as “the curse” (like my Grandma called it) to experiencing it as a deepening into my inner well-spring.

And we haven’t yet mentioned the environmental impact that would be saved by moving away from tampons and disposables, which are the number 2 cloggers of land-fills (following closely behind disposable diapers).

Learning of the real risks of TSS associated with tampon-use, I am given yet another reason for not using them. But for women who like the convenience of it, I recommend getting educated. It can truly save your life!

To find out more about TSS, go to: www.you-are-loved.org

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As I Was Shopping For A Bra…

By DeAnna | Published: June 5, 2011

I haven’t shopped for bras in a long time, and a generic department store welcomed me with rows upon rows of them, hanging in all imaginable colors and designs. I went through an endless selection of ‘push ups’ and padded bras, all designed to make my chest bigger and stick out farther. The colors were bright and attractive to me, but why would I want layers of foam enhancing my natural curve, or ‘shelves’ pushing my breasts up? It looked completely uncomfortable, and felt rather odd to the touch. The selection was endless.

Eventually I found a little aisle that had a small un-padded selection. Checking for sizes my eye was drawn the tag, which shouted out in bold letters: Reduces size by 1.5”! I was dumbfounded. I realized I just couldn’t be alright the way I am! If I didn’t want to enlarge my breasts or push them up, I must want to reduce them…

Enhance or reduce, that is the question!

It seems that women can’t win. The main message these rows of merchandise were flashing at me, and all women, is that we need to hide what our bodies truly look like, and reshape it, so as to fool the eye of the beholder (men). A similar message was pushed on girls at the ‘training bra’ section. Aiming to get girls in the habit of disguising their natural body shape, the tags enticed them to make their bust look bigger (while everywhere else girls are looking the ads push slimness as the only desired shape). The one exception was that there were no Reduces size by 1.5”! models on offer here. All girls’ bras were heavily padded, insisting that they look like women before their time.

This is pure training in the art of deception!

Girls are offered only products that will enhance the size and shape of their young bodies. Women, on the other hand, are offered products that will either artificially enlarge their breasts, or put them in a straight jacket to make them appear smaller.

Like any other mask, such Breast Masks make sure that those looking at a girl or a woman’s body will receive the wrong impression. It also ensures disappointment on the observer’s part: when one is to look upon a woman’s bare breasts, the reality would be different than the marketed package. Either smaller or larger, there is going to be a clearly visible difference, which may well lead to a pronounced (or subtle) reaction. The message received by the beheld woman will be clear again: her body, her breasts, her natural form, are not good enough… And this, perhaps more than anything else, is what corporations want to imprint on women’s consciousness, starting at a very young age indeed.

Feeling not good enough will keep women in pain, which in turn will perpetuate their insatiable hunger for the next product to get them closer to the “ideal”; the next mask that will better hide their nature, or enhance it, to more effectively deceive their beholders.

I, for one, am not going to get my daughter anywhere near a department store for a “training bra.” What would it train her for??? Low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with her appearance, and the art of manipulation, designed to deceive herself and others regarding her body.

Instead, I tell her every day how beautiful she is!

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

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Mom, Do Men Have Sacredness In Their Body?

By DeAnna | Published: May 17, 2011

My daughter, now 10, knows that her Yoni (Sanskrit for Vagina) means ‘Sacred Space.’ She is growing up knowing that her Mom, and all women, cycle with the moon. She knows that she will start her Moon Flow sometime in the next few years, and even said to me the other day: “Mom, you can’t talk like this to a girl who is about to become a woman!”

Last night she talked about her budding body, referring to it as sacred, in the manner she heard it spoken of since she was very young. Then, after a pause, she asked: “Mom, do men have sacredness in their body?” “Of course,” I replied. “In the same way that girls and women have a sacred space called Yoni, men have a sacred organ called ‘Lingam,’ which in Sanskrit means ‘Wand of light.”

- “Wow” she exclaimed, “that’s nice!”
- “In English the word is Penis” I said, “have you heard it before?”
- “Yeah,” she replied, “but I didn’t know what it was…”
- “In English,” I continued, “the word for Yoni is Vagina”
- “Yes, I remember” she said
- “You may hear the words ‘Vagina’ and ‘Penis’ more often than Yoni or Lingam,” I went on, “they describe the same parts of the body in different languages.”
- “People are embarrassed when they say them” she commented.
- “I think it is because they forgot the sacredness,” I replied.
- “And it’s private, too” she added.
- “Yes, these parts of us are the most sacred, and we keep them private. When people forget that their body is sacred, then all that’s left is the privacy part, and it can become embarrassing.”
My daughter changed the subject at this point, yet the exchange stayed with me well into the next day.

I was pondering the recent campaigns fighting sexualization of girls’ and women’s bodies by the media, which I wholeheartedly support. Yet when I read them, and more poignantly when I see the continual barrage of commercial sexualized images they are fighting, I am left with a sense of profanity. These images are horrifying, and I don’t want to see them, in a continual loop, to remind me what I am fighting. I don’t, actually, want to fight! I want to create alternatives!

I would like to see a barrage of strong, empowering images of girls and women. I’d like to be immersed in solutions! Similarly, I don’t want to “Stomp out Hunger” I want to Feed All! I don’t want to read bumper stickers that say “War is Not the Answer!” I’d like to see Peace is the Only Answer!

Eradicating girls’ sexualization is essential and deeply needed, starting with the fact that my computer underlines the word ‘Sexualization’ as an error, and the spell check has no alternatives. This is a metaphor to societal denial of sexualization as an issue.

I invite us all to decorate our homes with images of womanhood we wish our girls to see! It is not enough to shield them form the degrading ones, to raise our voices in protest, and to work toward their elimination. We need to seek, gather, and create the images that we wish today’s girls to be inspired by!

Inviting you all to HELP CREATE THE ALTERNATIVES:

Please post empowering images for today’s girls,
here, or on my Facebook page – Red Tents In Every neighborhood:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Red-Tents-in-every-neighborhood/122438694447745
Together, we can change the world!

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Coming of Age, Women's Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

A Red Tent Moment

By DeAnna | Published: May 5, 2011

The ‘Red Tent’ hit a nerve.

Published over a decade ago by Anita Diamant, “The Red Tent” became a best seller. Almost every woman who hears of my Red Tent events typically says: “Oh, I read the book years ago and I LOVED it!” or: “This is my favorite book!”

Why is the ‘Red tent’ such a phenomenon?

It seems that women around the world are touched to their core by this story of the biblical Hebrew tribe of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, told through the lens and voice of its women.

At the center of these women’s experience is the “Red Tent”: a space set apart from the hustle and bustle of daily life, where women go to when they menstruate, or get ready to give birth. This is a place where women are allowed to Be rather than continually Do…

Any cycling woman knows the deep yearning for quietude during her Flow time. Every ounce of our body and soul calls for rest, while our culture calls us to keep going, no matter what.

The ‘Red Tent,’ ‘Moon Hut,’ or ‘Moon Lodge,’ as they were known in indigenous cultures around the world, was a place of respite for women of old. Contemporary women deeply relate when they read of this. Much more of a fictional novel, “The Red Tent” by Anita Dimant evokes in women a cellular memory of an experience we all shared, for millenniums, around the globe. Once awakened, this memory becomes a need, a yearning, a birthright…

We recognize that having a place to go to when we flow, monthly, will make our lives different in profound ways, as well as change the lives of those living close to us, and the world at large!

When women have a sacred space to go to when they menstruate, they don’t need to be irritable with their spouse, children, co-workers, or the world. The irritability, which is only a signal from our body that we need to rest and replenish, is no longer needed. Instead, women can nap, dream, draw, journal, knit, bead, sing, paint, dance, sleep, stretch, read, curl up into a ball and shut the world out…

Not being expected to tend to others’ needs, for a little window of time, monthly, will contribute to women’s inner peace, and to the harmony in their environment more than anything else I could think of!

Yes, I know, women work full time, are single Moms, and would be unable to go to a Red Tent even if there was one in their neighborhood… True. But changing our consciousness around this is a first step, to be followed by little acts which go a long way. Instead of “all-or-nothing” why not start by acknowledging that your body, mind, and heart need to rest (whether you can do it this very moment or not).

Acknowledging the need will lead to creative solutions (which can never come when we are not looking for them). It will also lead you to see the benefit of taking as little as 10 minutes in the morning; an hour when the baby naps; or half of your lunch break, in which to create sacred space for yourself.

Light a candle, or just lay down and breath. Recognize that a Moon Cycle has passed since your last menstrual period. Exhale deeply, and let go of this cycle, its challenges, and anything in it that no longer serves you… Inhale deeply, and take-in the freshness of this moment, Now. Close your eyes and let your mind drift… Let yourself daydream. Yawn. Stretch. Listen to your body… If a thought surfaces to remind you of your chores or errands, smile and let it go. There will be plenty of time for it later. This moment is for You. This is your own, internal, Red Tent moment, which no one can take away from you (only you, by depriving yourself from it…)

Once you start experiencing the well being brought by the consciousness, and practice, of taking some time for yourself at the onset of your Flow, you will never want to go back. Who knows, you may even come up with creative ways for having more and more every month… You deserve it!

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

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{Guest Blog} What Other People Think

By DeAnna | Published: May 1, 2011
It is a pleasure to have a (first!) guest blogger here on ‘Inspire!’ Annie Fox, M.Ed. is an award winning author, educator, post cast host and online adviser for parents and teens since 1997. http://anniefox.com. Her books for t(w)eens include: Teen Survival Guide to Dating & Relating, (now available as a free download) http://teensurvivalguide.com. Too Stressed to Think? And the new Middle School Confidential™ series. Her just released iPad app Be Confident A Middle School Confidential Graphic Novel is now available at iTunes. Listen to her podcast series “Family Confidential: Secrets of Successful Parenting.”

What Other People Think
By Annie Fox, M.Ed.

Tweens and teens are famously self-conscious around their peers. The risk of falling short of what’s “cool” can be so intimidating it’s a wonder they crawl out of the sack and get themselves to school. Each day 160,000 American kids don’t bother. They can’t deal with the judgement, put-downs and out-and-out cruelty from other students so they stay home.

I know at least one adult who also wrestles with self-doubts. Before I leave the house for a speaking gig,  I stress over my hair and what I’m wearing, especially when I’m presenting to middle schoolers. I try on a half dozen different tops, pants, earrings in an attempt to look cooler. I know it’s a total crap shoot and I’m sure I often fail miserably, but I make the effort because I want the kids to accept me. Kinda sweet and kinda pathetic too.

Why does it matter so much what other people think? Well, as a species we’re programed to try to get other folks to like us. We’re not the fiercest beasts in the jungle so we need to team up to survive. A team works for the mutual benefit of all members only if those members are on good terms.

And so, throughout the millennia, we’ve become skilled at decoding each other’s micro-expressions – fleeting facial indications of fear, disgust, surprise, approval, etc. When we see disapproval, it’s time to back-pedal… quick!

For example, suppose we’re chatting and I say, “Wow! Last night for dinner we had the best steamed okra.” I’m about to add, “You’ve gotta try this recipe!” But before I do, I detect a Yuck expression flit across your face. Uh-oh…  I offended you. I’m in trouble! If you vote to kick me off the team my survival’s at stake. I’ve gotta figure a fast, face-saving move. I’ve
got it! “Of course, not everyone likes okra…” I say with a charming smile. You nod and smile back. Phew!  That was close!

I created this quiz to help kids start thinking about all this. Share it with your child. Take it yourself. Food for thought.

Tastier than okra.

DO I WORRY TOO MUCH WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK?*

If my friends think something is funny, I’ll laugh even if I don’t get the joke. True/False

The worst thing is to do something embarrassing in front of people. T/F

If everyone’s seen a movie but me, I’ll say I saw it. T/F

If my parents think something’s a “good” idea, I’m suspicious. T/F

I hate making decisions cause it sucks to be wrong. T/F

I’m never the first person to give my opinion. T/F

I’ve dropped out of an activity I liked because none of my friends were into it. T/F

It’s risky to say how you really feel. T/F

If someone makes fun of what I’m wearing, I won’t wear it again. T/F

If my friends think something’s cool, I’ll try it even if I’m not sure I’ll like it. T/F

7-10 Trues: You worry what others think and it brings you down.With a boost in self-confidence and support from family and friends, you’ll trust yourself more and enjoy being you.

3-6 Trues: Sometimes it’s hard for you to stand up for yourself, but when you do it feels good. You’re getting better all the time at being your own person.

0-2 Trues: You hardly ever worry what others think because you’re self-confident and have a lot of self-respect. You may not know it, but people respect you for who you are.

*Excerpted from Be Confident in Who You Are, Book 1 of my Middle School Confidential http://middleschoolconfidential.com/ series. Just released as a graphic novel iPad app http://middleschoolconfidential.com/be_confident.html  (for ages 8-14) and now available from iTunes. http://bit.ly/BeConfident

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Men & Menstruation: Are They Ready?

By DeAnna | Published: April 4, 2011

I had the privilege of offering an opening ceremony for a local performance of The Vagina Monologues.

The evening was produced and performed by (women) students and faculty of the Santa Rosa Junior College, yet the audience was going to be co-ed.

I typically speak to audiences of women, with an occasional man in the hall, while my teaching events are attended by 100% women. Preparing to give a “menstrual revival” to an auditorium of at least 50% men, I wasn’t sure what to expect…

I decided not to dilute my message, come what may. I was prepared for the guys to be angry, bored, grossed out, but I never expected them to be as moved as they were by the end of the evening…

The evening was a series of mesmerizing performances in which each Vagina Monologue was brought by a different woman, none being a professional actor. Ranging from women in their early twenties to a 70-year old regal woman, and representing the spectrum of colors, cultures, sexual orientations, beauty and pain that women embody, this was an unforgettable affair of the heart.

At the end of the evening I was approached by a couple of men who were probably in their late fifties, early sixties. One of them was Caucasian, the other African American. I was ready for a blast. Instead, they each proceeded to tell me how moved they were by my words, and the ceremonial act, which I invited the audience to participate in: reciting the names of their mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers… Honoring them for their years of bleeding: invisible, unacknowledged, uncelebrated… They both spoke to me about awakening to an aspect of their mothers they never thought of, a connection to their Mothers’ Line they never had.

I was stunned.

Sharing my surprise with them, they were puzzled to hear I don’t speak to audiences of men. “We all need to hear this,” they claimed, and I experienced a momentary mind-quake!

I guess the time has come…

I guess we, as women, don’t need to wait until the last woman on Earth reclaims her cycle as sacred, before we share this empowering knowledge with the men in our midst. Men who are partners to women, fathers to girls, teachers to both girls and boys, role models in a multitude of capacities…

Like the image accompanying this article, offering a chalice to men in our lives may well be the antidote to the burden of their armor.

For over a decade now I have been hearing from men about their rejection of the armor within which they were raised. However, it never occurred to me to open a window to them into women’s mysteries, to offer them a reviving cup from the well we drink of.

Like women, working on reversing “the curse” of cultural negativity about menstruation which we are all fed, men can be shedding this lie as well, and they are surprisingly ready for it!

I know, I know, maybe not all of them, and maybe not the man you personally live or work with, but, as Nietzsche said: “The difference between one and none is infinite!”

As long as there is one man who is moved by the message of empowerment that menstruation has to offer women and girls who listen to their bodies, the bridge between one and none has been crossed! And once a bridge of consciousness has been crossed, there is no way back…

So what do you say, women? Are you ready to not only reclaim your menstruation as source of inner power and spiritual renewal, but to also shatter the myth of “the curse” with which men in your life may be living, and see where the chips fall?

They may well be seeds of consciousness falling on a fertile ground…

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Women's Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Coming Of Age: How To Prepare For Your Girl’s First Period

By DeAnna | Published: March 11, 2011

My daughter Ellah is 10, and has not started cycling.

It may be another couple of years for all I know, as I started at 12, but I am savoring the delicious process of gathering resources for her, which will be ready and waiting at the never-predicted moment of a girl’s first menstrual cycle.

I feel like a mama bird, gathering bits and pieces for my girl’s womanhood-nest. I’ve been looking for a while now, and the first thing that caught my attention was a mug with Red hearts on it. “Oh,” I thought to myself, “a special MoonTime cup!” I imagined how this could be my girl’s dedicated mug for comforting, soothing teas while she flows.

Next came a beautiful silver Goddess pendant adorned by a Red stone, on a snake-like silver chain. I wanted Ellah to have a piece of jewelery with a strong image of the Divine Feminine. The Red stone was important too… well, it’s the theme here, isn’t it?

A journal is a mast, I felt. I am still looking for the right one, to which my heart will have a resounding “Yes” when I see it! A special pen may accompany it if I come across the perfect one, but if I don’t, any old pen will do!

A journal is a symbol of one’s own sanctuary of creativity. My intention here is to provide my daughter with a blank slate on which she can write, draw, doodle, or otherwise express herself during her menstrual flow, record her dreams, write stories, or whatever she is moved to create within the private realm of her own sanctuary.

I am planning on a big, beautiful candle (RED, of course :-) ) and some bath salts. I would like to convey to my girl the importance of self-nourishment and self care. The yummy-ness of taking time-out from everyday life and pampering herself while she flows. Perhaps a delightfully scented body lotion will be a great addition.

And now, to the heart of the matter: menstruation itself!

First and foremost I would like Ellah to have a set of wildly colored and imaginatively designed menstrual cloth pads. I have been using cloth for over 20 years, and would never go back to disposables. My primary reason is not wanting to “plug” the natural flow of my body. And the environmental aspect of this issue is as essential to me.

Disposable menstrual products are the #2 biggest clogger of landfills, following closely behind disposable baby diapers, which are the # 1 culprit. My daughter has been accompanying me as I feed our house and garden plants with the water in which my cloth pads soaked. Full of nutrients that will otherwise nourish a baby, menstrual blood is the inner lining of our wombs. Its capacity to nourish ALL life is miraculous, and my house and garden plants have never been happier than when I feed them this life-giving substance.

I’ve ordered a set of menstrual cloth pads for Ellah from a woman who creates wonderful designs with wild prints! When they arrived in the mail I grinned with delight: the fabrics were soft flannels, velvety to the touch. A couple of beautiful floral designs accompanied a few whimsical ones, behind which peeked a purple tiger-stripe pad, and the jewel in the crown were a couple of fabrics with affirmations such as “Lovely Me.” I just about melted when I saw this one!

The pads all came inside a storage bag printed with a Red image of the Virgin of Guadalupe surrounded by Red roses on the front, and interlacing Red hearts on the back. I couldn’t ask for more!

I’ve hidden all these beautiful “goodies” in the back of one of my drawers, and recently went hunting for a decorated box in which to place them all. I headed to a craft store but was met with a cheerful clerk who announced they only carry plain boxes, and if I wanted it to look beautiful, I’d have to decorate it myself!

I was delighted to find a plain cardboard container shaped like a treasure box, and the clerk directed me to the scrap-book isle where I found myself in a visual heaven. I was surrounded by every imaginable decorated paper, sparkles, 3D stickers, self-adhesive affirmations, ribbons, flowers, and what not. Knowing I will paint the box Red, I proceeded to choose a beautiful sheet of paper, drawn with roses and paisleys, some 3D stickers of butterflies (for transformation), moons and starts (for flowing with the moon and shining from within), Red sparkles (I’m a magpie wherever sparkles are concerned :-) ) and some 3D affirmation stickers, the chief of which says: “Things I Love.”

I paid a fraction of what I would have paid for a commercially decorated box, and went home with my creative juices overflowing. I will now have to carve out some time for this yummy project when Ellah is not looking over my shoulder.

Once finished, this treasure box will be patiently waiting for the day my daughter crosses the threshold into womanhood. A part of me can’t wait. Another part wants it to be a long, long time still. I deeply cherish my girl’s childhood, and want to patiently and slowly savor her approaching womanhood.

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Coming of Age | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Coming of Age: Honoring Our Mother’s Line

By DeAnna | Published: March 7, 2011

I am DeAnna,
Daughter of Eva,
Daughter of Serena,
Daughter of Rosza,
Daughter of Mother Earth…

I am DeAnna,
Mother of Ellah,
Grandmother of life to come…

I am here!

So starts one my favorite ceremonial activities:-)

In circles of women around the world I witnessed women moved to tears by the simple yet profound act of calling-in their Mother’s Line.

Regardless of your relationship with your biological mother, of any personality differences between you, or any painful memories you may carry about her mothering, the fact remains: your mother menstruated monthly under the roof of your childhood home. From the onset of your adolescence, you both menstruated under that same roof, perhaps without talking about it, often without honoring it, and likely under some emotional or physical discomfort that may not have been acknowledged or shared…

The Red thread of our monthly cycle connects us to All women: our mother, grandmothers, great grandmothers, and all women in our Ancestral Line, deep into the mists of time.

Acknowledging this connection is deeply nourishing to our soul, as much as being cut-off from it is wounding, in more ways than we know.

The “entitlement society” we live in is based on the notion that everything starts with us! But, of course, not much does…

We grow from roots deeply planted in the fertile ground of our ancestors. We carry their genetic signature in our body, our features, even our traits. We embellish their legacy with our own uniqueness, passing on a living heritage to our children.

This is an invitation to honor your Mother’s Line as a living thread in the tapestry of who you are.

Reflect on the amazing fact that you and All your female ancestors bled monthly in order to give life. Acknowledge that without bleeding — none of you could have given birth. Rejoice in the knowledge that you are a link in a chain of generations that begun before time, and will continue long after you are gone. Honor the fact that we are all bonded by the deep, visceral connection of our MoonTime: our monthly menstruation.

Sit quietly with your child, or children, and call-in your Mother’s Line. Then invite them to call theirs, which will be the same as yours, but will include their name, and yours as their mother.

Tell them about all the endearing ways in which they may be like their grandmother or great-grandmother. What features or traits do you see in them that reminds you of women in your Mother’s Line? This will not only strengthen the bond between you, it will also start to create a deep sense of belonging in your child.

When we know where we came from, we can be clearer about where we may be going. Sharing the names of the women in your Mother’s Line with your children, remembering them all, and acknowledging the unspoken bond between you, is a deeply grounding experience. It brings continuity and awareness. It is a gift to yourself, to your children, and to generations to come.

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

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PMS Can Stop With You!

By DeAnna | Published: January 11, 2011

Do you truly believe nature intended women to suffer monthly?

This is a rather absurd idea, when you think of it this way, since menstruation is an essential component of women’s ability to birth life. Without it, women will not be able to conceive…

So how did this happen?

How did a natural process become such a problem?

Lets look at how menstruation is held by the culture at large.

In western cultures women seem to be doomed when the do, and doomed when they don’t (bleed, that is). Women are considered to be out of control when they are “on the rag,” and out of control when they are in menopause…

Imagine how out of control one might get when their body is tired, their mind fatigued, their emotions exhausted… when every ounce of their being wants to go to sleep, yet they are not allowed to do so…. not only are they denied sleep, they are expected to go to work, be productive, cordial, efficient, and social…. wouldn’t you go berserk?

Well, women often do, if we buy into the cultural expectation of having “every day of the month be the same”, and push ourselves to prevent menstruation from interfering with our work and life.

On top of this, we are also fed a diet of negativity about our menstrual cycle, from a very young age. A cultural taboo, often not mentioned by name, menstruation is referred to as a “necessary evil,” a nuisance, or “the curse.”

Now imagine again how you would feel if you were so tired that all you could think of is sleep, yet you were told that your state is “a curse” and you must get over it and get on with your work… Or if you were offered medication to overcome your tiredness, and expected to perform at top notch?

Wouldn’t you snap?

Indeed, this is what happens to many women all over the world, in response to years of internalized negativity about menstruation.

This is coupled with the unacknowledged, ignored (and often unconscious) deep yearning to go inward, rest, replenish, and renew, during menstruation.

Add cultural hostility to our denied monthly need to regenerate, and what do you get? Out-of-control-raving-mad-lunatic-raging-bitch! And rightly so! Since this is the ONLY way we can express the tension inside us… Or, perhaps, the only culturally acceptable way… To which society reacts by perpetuating the belief in menstrual “badness.”

Not being taught to honor our monthly need for regenerating our emotions, and renewing our spirit (while our body renews itself) we not only loath our menstruation, but start developing symptoms, which will make us slow down, stay in bed, rest…

This whole chain reaction could have been prevented in the first place, had we slowed down and took time out, monthly, without our body having to scream at us via painful symptoms…

This “chain of pain” is passed on collectively by our culture, and individually — from mother to daughter.

Your Grandma was probably handed negative messages from your great-grandmother, your Mom from your Grandma, you from your mother, and now, is your daughter receiving this painful legacy from you? How about your granddaughter, stepdaughter, niece, or your best friend’s daughter?

Do these girls hear you talk about menstruation as something you dread, hate, or can do without? Do they experience the wrath of your mood swings, irritability, or depression when you are menstruating, because you don’t take time for yourself?

What message do you think this conveys to them?

And if you could convey another message, wouldn’t you?

Yes, you may say, but I can’t convey another message since I’m suffering from PMS symptoms…

Here is where I’d like to rock your boat a little (or a lot) by saying: PMS is Not a Requirement!

PMS is your (wise!) body’s strategy for getting your attention!

It is your body’s way of telling you that you need to slow down, go inward, release any toxins from the month you’ve lived, and regenerate yourself for the month ahead.

Taking medication for PMS is like taking pills to suppress yawning when you are tired, while all you need to do is go to sleep…

When you start questioning the beliefs you internalized about menstruation, when you start caring for your body and allowing it to naturally renew (rather than suppressing its need to rest) you are going to be able to gradually reclaim your cycle as a source of renewal in your life.

Not only would you reverse your symptoms, but you could stop the legacy, which our culture has been blindly passing down from one generation to another.

Furthermore, you’d be able to model an empowered womanhood to the next generation, starting with your own daughter. She and her peers will, in turn, be able to pass it on to those yet to be born.

PMS can stop with you! And together, we can change the world…

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

Posted in Coming of Age, PMS, Women's Wisdom | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

PMS – Change Your Mind, Change Your Symptoms

By DeAnna | Published: December 14, 2010

“Your body and your mind are forever connected. Your body is responding to your thoughts continually — in fact, to nothing else. Your body is absolutely a pure reflection of the way you think. There is nothing else that is affecting your body other than your thoughts.” Abraham-Hicks

Do you acknowledge that your thoughts affect your body?

This is, actually, a liberating thought! For it means that your body’s well being is in Your hands! (or in your mind’s hands:-)

Reflect on the current well being (or lack thereof) of your womb, your reproductive system, your menstrual cycle…

If any (or all) of these are in less than a balanced state, it may be scary, even enraging, to think that your thoughts affected this state. Did you want to have PMS? Mood Swings? Abdominal Pain? Cysts? Ovarian cancer? Of course not!

The fact that you may suffer anywhere from mild to sever symptoms doesn’t mean you wanted to… It only means that you may be holding negative thoughts about your Female organs, and such thoughts express themselves in symptoms.

For instance:

The word “Yoni” (which is Hindu for Vagina) translates as “Sacred Space.” Did you grow up knowing you have a sacred space between your legs?

In Hebrew the word for womb comes from the word ‘Compassion’…

If your womb could speak, what would it say?

My womb would say: ‘Passion and compassion are mingled in me, within your depth… I am your other heart.’

Within a body-mind system that sees your vulva as a sacred space, your womb as your other heart, and your menstruation as the flow of life, would there be any chance for severe symptoms to develop? I believe not…
On the other hand, an adolescent girl’s body-mind system, who is warned by parents and society to avoid pregnancy, who sees vulva as the root of trouble and menstruation as nuisance, is by definition inclined to express such beliefs as symptoms. If for no other reason than to move these thought-forms out of mind…

This is Not a conscious process, neither is it an instant one. Yet a continual diet of negative messages will eventually emerge as symptoms. Our body-mind system, like any living organism, takes in, digests, and eliminates.

When we are fed by societal taboos and negativity (regarding menstruation and being female) we can’t digest these thought-forms. We can’t sustain them as nourishment, since they are not!

Like pimples erupting on our skin in order to get rid of unwanted substance or excess, so do symptoms erupt around our menstruation and reproductive organs in an attempt to expel unwanted thoughts and beliefs.

This is our body drawing our attention to the lack of balance we carry regarding our womanhood, our wombs, our vulva, or our menstruation.
So how do we reverse this?

Consciousness is always the first step. Take a moment and reflect on your inner narrative about menstruation.

What messages did you receive from your Mother? Grandmother? Girlfriends? The Media?

How many of these messages carry a negative tone to them?

If those messages could manifest as symptoms, what symptoms would they be?

Are these symptoms close to the ones you experience, monthly, around you menstruation?

If so, Bingo! You uncovered the underlying roots of your symptoms… What a relief to know these are the results of your own thought pattern. The conscious journey of changing it — will change not only your mind, but your body, too!

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© 2011 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved

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